Hardest Difficulty

A guy comes up to me tomorrow and says he's about to become a stepdad. Three kids, a baby on the way. He asks me what's the one true thing nobody told me.

Here's what I'd tell him, no bullshit:

Don't do it unless you truly have the patience.

Walking into a ready-made family means leaving your old life at the door.

Not the “oh yeah, I could do that” kind of patience. Everybody says that. I mean the real kind — the kind where you sit down and question your whole life story, right now, before you walk into it. Because all of it is about to change. All of it. Your money, your time, your quiet, your sleep. All of it.

And here's the part nobody warns you about: people are going to treat you like shit, and there's no reason for it whatsoever other than the fact that you exist. You're the new person in their house. Some folks will never get past that, no matter what you do. You have to be ready for that — ready to take it without taking it out on the kids, because they're not the ones who decided any of this either.

If you're not ready for that, it's not going to work. You'll end up a really pissed-off person, and a house full of kids doesn't need another pissed-off person in it. It needs the opposite.

So that's the test. Not “do you love the kids” — of course you do, or you wouldn't be asking. The test is: do you have the patience, for real, for the version of this where nobody thanks you and everybody blames you and it still has to be you who keeps his cool? If the answer is yes, then go do it. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, and it's worth doing. If the answer is anything less than yes, don't walk into it hoping you'll grow the patience on the job. You won't. You'll just grow bitter.

Question your life story first. Then decide.

— Bradley Creek